-My life is dramatic. Some say it’s because I’m a dramatic person. Some say it’s because I like conflict. Some say it’s because I think too much. It’s all of those things. I’m dramatic because I don’t put up with normal things that people easily write off and don’t care about. I’m dramatic because I care too much about stupid stuff. Sometimes it’s good, most of the time it just gets in people’s way.

-My life at this moment a week ago was literally the complete opposite of what it is today. And I, ever in a million years, would have or could have guessed things and people could change that drastically so quickly.

-I guess that’s just me being dramatic again.

-I went to go buy all new Christmas ornaments this evening. A few years ago I bought black ornaments, and mixed them in with silver and white ornaments. They don’t make black Christmas balls anymore. I was bummed.

-My cat jumps into the refrigerator whenever I open the door. It’s so odd.

-She’s also more dog like of any cat I’ve ever known or seen, and I love her for that.

-Ella strangely knows when I need space from her or when I need her close, and does accordingly. That isn’t a cat thing. She’s perfect for me. I didn’t think cats could read emotions as well as she does. Ella is a wonderful pet. She will be getting a load of catnip and those gross smelling treats she loves so much in her stocking this year.

-I love Christmas time for two reasons. Christmas Blend at Starbucks and Harry Connick Jr Christmas music. Everything else about this month sucks.

-Speaking of Christmas, I just bought my daughter 50 glittery snowflakes that I will be hanging on her ceiling for Christmas decorations. We went to the South Mountain Inn for Thanksgiving this year, and they decorated a dining room with a whole bunch of snowflakes that Chloe loved. I think it’s going to look awesome!!!!!

-Yeah……Thanksgiving. I didn’t cook for the first time in 14 years. I’ve always had a major role in the Thanksgiving dinner, even as a teenager. And I didn’t do a thing this year. It was heavenly. I helped a friend out prepping her bird, and she made the one I always make. So at least I know the bacon wrapped maple turkey still lived in infamy, or died in infamy I guess… and even if it wasn’t for me, I know it was enjoyed.

-There are some things you don’t ever want to be proven “right” on. Usually when you say (or think) “I told you so!” you feel some sort of enjoyment from it. It sucks when that thing you always believed deep down in your heart, and everyone fought against you on, turns out to be 100% true. You always knew it… But the moment when you have a specific “proven right” date……really sucks.

-I know a lot of people’s secrets. When I think about it….people should be nicer to me. To my face AND behind my back.

-I am able to say my last “random thought” because I have absolutely nothing in the world to lose.

-I am also able to say that because I know it won’t change anything.

-Wow, I feel like this random thoughts is depressing, bitter, and negative.

-I also feel like no one really reads this anymore anyways… so it doesn’t really matter. I feel like I’m just talking to the internet, and anyone who might read this, besides my mom, is probably just judging me anyways.

-Trying to think of something positive and light hearted to say………..

-It’s hard for me to think of something positive and light hearted to say.

-I’m not in a good place right now. I’m def in a “I don’t give a shit” phase. (sorry for the language mom) I feel like I’ve spent the last 10 years of my life trying to make something work while simultaneously trying to to destroy it. And now that everything is said and done… I just feel like I wasted so much time. I lost so many opportunities. I messed up so many things up. I hurt so many people. I gave up on so many dreams. I didn’t do what I really wanted to do with my life. And it’s so hard to try to get back into the “you have your whole life ahead of you” phase. I feel like that moment has passed. I feel so inadequate.

-I’m not as resilient as someone thinks I am.

Pretend this statement is a picture

Enjoy!

-I used to hate Wednesdays. I always knew it was going to be a long night.

-I don’t hate Wednesdays so much anymore. I look forward to the night with my kids.

-Speaking of my kids, gonna take them to the Shippensburg Fair tonight. I have never been, so the experience should be interesting. I’ve heard………..things.

-I got my daughter, Chloe, a cat for her birthday. Her name is Ella, after Ella Fitzgerald. I love jazz, and Ella is one of my favorites. Ella’s middle name is S’mores. It was a compromise.

-I love Ashleigh Schwindt Photography. I have had the best clients lately, and am so grateful to have such wonderful experiences with my work. I am truly blessed with ASP, and I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing.

-Um….I have the best parents in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. I am the luckiest daughter, EVER!

-I’m going to Chicago to see my brother in Septemeber, and I am BEYOND stoked for this. I am just waiting for him to move out of the “walk down the wrong block and get shot” kinda neighborhood, and I AM THERE!!!

-I don’t own a bed. I sleep on the couch. It sucks.

-Who am I writing to that knows what is going on in my personal life? Well to those that do……it hurts. Everyday.

-I’m tired of hearing about everyone’s vacation/vacation plans. Good for you. Now, shut up.

-I haven’t played guitar in months. And I don’t really miss it.

-I do missing singing though, big time.

-Someone called me resilient. I thought, ‘If only they knew how often I struggle with just giving up’.

-Krista Sollenberger. She’s pretty awesome, just saying…..

-I often wonder if certain people actually miss having me in their lives, or they like the release of oppurtunites they have now that I’m gone.

-I don’t go to church anymore. I’ve been so hurt by “christians”, that I have absolutely no desire to be a part of an organized religion.

-That being said, God speaks to me more clearly than ever before.

-I need new shoes.

-God didn’t tell me that last thing.

-I’m soon, hopefully, updating the blog with a new look. It should be good, still working on the design of it, but I’m excited. I want it to be fresh and clean, but have a little…flare.

-I’m so desperate for change, I’ve considered dying my hair, cutting all of it off, getting a new car, painting every room in my house, getting a pet (oops, guess I did that one!), moving far away from here, changing jobs. I just want things to be different, and I want to have control over something, anything!. My weakness has been Ella. My hair is still long, still brown, my car is still black, my walls are still white, I still live in PA, and I still have the same monotonous job.

-Oh, hmm…jobs…….yeah……….I’m looking forward to what I know God has planned for me , while I try to stay patient, and put my time in to where He’s placed me at the moment.

-I’m addicted to beef jerky. And Lost. And eating beef jerky while watching Lost.

-Liars lie. Also, liars recognize other liars and can see right through them. This is a blessing and a curse.

-I have trust issues. And because of this, I push people away before they can do it to me. With this being said, I am incredibly grateful for those who go through that process with me. I know you’re real when you don’t quickly write me off. Sadly, I’ve learned who my friends are and aren’t with this process.

-I still haven’t fixed that leaky tire in my car. I have just gotten in the habit of filling it up every few days. The time it takes to put air in a tire is cheaper than the money it costs to buy a new tire.

-I don’t know what friends are. I thought I did, but I’m relearning everything.

-I’m uncertain about most things. And scared. And it’s hard to stay motivated.

What are the needs of Chambersburg? How can we, as a church, be showing God’s love in a tangible way, but not throwing it up in their face in that disheartening “Christian” way we tend to do too often? How can we show and give grace, mercy, patience, time, and service to those of our community? How can we be reaching people? Where are the people? What do they need, and how do we as CFCOG fit into that plan?

Pray with me, and my church, for the people of Chambersburg. We all need to know God’s presence in this town, and God wants to be that presence. Let’s be His messengers.

My prayer tonight: Soften my heart. I need your compassion for others. I need to feel the needs of our city, and do something about it. Be there and do what I can. How selfish am I to be focused on myself and my own messed up life? I think more about how unfair my life is, how complicated things are for me. How dare I? I already know Your love, Your grace, Your mercy. I have You in my heart, and You are there with me. Forgive me for not putting others above myself, not thinking about how lost people actually are, because they don’t know You. They don’t have a relationship with You like I do. Lord, use me, and my weaknesses to bring people into your love. Give me a heart for the lost. Use me to share Your forgiveness, so those out there in Chambersburg that are lost, confused, and far away from you, like I can feel at times, can be saved by Your unexplainable peace. What do you want me to do? Show me where I need to be, what I need to do, where I need to go, show me the needs of this city, show me the needs of people I know who need You, and people I haven’t met yet who also need You. Place people in my life, and let me show You in my words and my actions. Lord, be this city.

Same Courtney, same Greg, same love.

Enjoy!!

Oh Courtney. How I love thee, let me count the ways. 1. We are the same size and can borrow clothes AND shoes from each other. 2. You have excellent taste in music, and I only know about the Fratelli’s from you. 3. Your passion for others inspires me to think outside my box. 4. You are beautiful and smart and funny. 5. I genuinely like talking to you about things. Ya know how there are some people you can talk to, and it’s just like you’re trying to hard? You and I, nope, we got none of that. I feel comfortable with you .6. Did I say something about borrowing clothes yet?! ; )

Meet my little sister Courtney. Ok Ok, she’s not really my sister, but she’s close enough, and we look “enough” alike that we could totally be sisters……..Um…. Ok, maybe wishful thinking on my part, but regardless, I love her like she is my sister, and that is what matters! Anyways, Courtney had long, beautiful, flowing, shedding hair up until about a week ago. Her and Greg (more on him later) decided to both get their locks cut. Wowzah! What a drastic, super gorgeous, oh my gosh Courtney that is a perfect haircut for you, haircut!!! So well.. of course I wanted to take pictures of her afterwards. Hence this post~

So I said something about Greg. Yeah that’s her beau. Not gonna lie, this dude’s pretty cool. I approve. And I like her and him together. He’s a good goat, and he likes my Colin, so another plus 1 in my book! Not only did Courtney get ALOT of hair cut off, but so did Greg!!! Before this shoot, he had hair down to his shoulders!! And now he looks like THIS! Now, that’s a change, isn’t it?

So they got all nice and cleaned up, washed whatever was leftover of their hair, and got into the CrazyBooth for some pics!

Enjoy!

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year’s Eve, and only wishes the best to everyone for the remainder of the year!

Enjoy!

Here’s to a great 2010!!! My favorites, in no particular order or sequence, just my personal favorite photographs I took this past year.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has allowed me to continue developing as a photographer, and trusting me to capture you in a frame. I wouldn’t be where I am without you guys. And I mean that!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

]]> http://ashleighschwindt.com/blog/2011/01/my-favorites-of-2010/feed/ 8 http://ashleighschwindt.com/blog/2010/12/merry-christmas/ http://ashleighschwindt.com/blog/2010/12/merry-christmas/#comments Mon, 20 Dec 2010 05:29:19 +0000 Ashleigh http://ashleighschwindtphotography.com/blog/?p=2985  Christmas = Christ’s birth, Santa, presents, trees, lights, parties, red and green colored M&M’s, white elephants, family, cheese & sausage trays, getting your “big” pants out, and COOKIES! Here is my contribution to the neverending baking cycle that goes on every Decemeber. Chocolate covered shortbread. Yum. But I should probably stop baking now, and start my Christmas shopping….  ; )

I probably won’t blog again until after Christmas; so I just wanted to wish everyone a better of their best years of all their festivities, and a strong reminder of why Christmas is really Christmas. Enjoy your family, enjoy your gifts, enjoy the cookies, and remember the reason for the season!!!! Um, yep, I said it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Oh one more thing- Notice the NEW LOGO on the photographs?!??! Yeah!??! So what do you guys think?!? Like???

As some of you know, and some of you have no clue what I’m talking about, it’s been a rough past few months for me………

1. I have been so unmotivated to take pictures. Why? No clue, just not feeling it.

2. STRESS! I cause it, I feel it, it’s happening. And that totally takes me into a funk.

3. Complete emotional ‘why do you think that Ashleigh?’ issues. Do I know God forgives me, and loves me unconditionally? Absolutely! Do I feel I deserve it, no way!! Do I know the “right” answer is ‘Yes Ashleigh you do deserve it’! Yep. But I have a hard time accepting that fact. But I guess that’s God’s WHOLE STINKIN’ POINT!!! None of us deserve his grace, mercy, and forgiveness. But He gives it to us freely, even us who feel unforgiveable, and completely torn apart. I struggle with accepting it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not questioning God’s ability to give grace. I want it, and He gives it. Again, I just don’t deserve it.

4. This might seem silly, but it still…..bothers me. I’ve recently been unfriended on Facebook by, what I would consider, good friends. Sure, we have our ups and downs. Do we quarrel but make up? Yes. Have we done ministry together? Yep. Has this been the first time I’ve been deleted as a friend? No. But it still makes me sad. We used to do life together, and be able to talk things through, and work things out. It’s just sad when you see others unwilling to do that anymore. To give up on you and believe the worst. This makes me thankful for those who truly know what unconditional love is, and show it to me, even when they don’t want to, or ‘feel” like it anymore. But it still…..SUCKS!

5. I’ve taken some time off from serving on the Encounter team for a few reasons. This has been so good, and so….sad. I miss being on the team alot. I know I need to take some time off, and focus on de-stressing, and making better priorities in my life. Aaron and I worked together on this team, and it’s been an awesome experience to serve along my husband, but….difficult at times as well. To bring the “husband/wife” aspect to a worship team can be complicated. I so much respect my husband and his leadership in our church as a worship pastor. But I’m human, and still need to figure out how to balance the marriage and the ministry. I’m excited to get back on the team, and I’m hoping to be back by the beginning of the year. But we’ll see if I’m ready by then : )

So ANYWAYS, I’ve been off the Encounter team for a few months now, and I’ve just been uninvolved. Sure, I’ve ran camera here or there, or some something techie somewhere, but it’s been difficult, to say the least, to not be on the team. And last Sunday, I ran around with my camera, snap snap snap. And the team did a song, Tear Down the Walls. And I promise you, I TRIED to take pictures, but I just couldn’t. God was speaking so clearly to me that morning. He was saying, “Ashleigh, you have walls….big brick strong tall walls, and you’re not allowing me to use you, or to work through you, because you have this huge chip on your shoulder. You have excuses, and reasons, and every explanation in the book to explain everything. But you just need to let it go, and let ME move. Stop standing still, stop being resentful, and stop making excuses for yourself. Let me move, and let me make the sun stand still.” And that is where I promptly lost it.

This life is yours and hope is rising as your glory floods our hearts. Let love tear down these walls, that all creation would come back to you, it’s all for you.

After that, I finally began to feel like I deserved the grace that God had to give me.